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"Grown" - The Story

Today I want to share the story behind my song “Grown” with you.
The song is about a love story between me and a man, but in the end it turned into a declaration of love for myself.

When I was 18 years old, I was still far away from being a musician and was convinced that I wanted to study psychology, because I lived with the belief that “I can't earn any money with music and singing anyway” and “I am not good enough anyway to turn it into a professional practice ”.

During this time I was deeply in love with a man who probably would have done anything to put the world at my feet. I was blown away by the fact that someone would really do so much for me.
One day he told me that he had planned a trip with me, but would not tell me where we were going until the day of departure.
In the end he “kidnapped” me for a few days to Thailand, where we would spend the most romantic vacation I have ever had. On the first day of the trip, it was March 22nd, 2016, we spent our time on a beautiful beach in Khao Lak. The sun was shining on the crystal clear sea, directly opposite was a cocktail bar that played reggae music, and a few hundred meters away I even saw horses trotting along the coast. When it was getting dark we sat down on a Hollywood Swing, from which we could see the sea and that was when the moment happened, every 18 year old girl might dream about.
Under a sky full of stars, I got the most romantic confession of love I could have wished for.

– „Today it was 5 years ago, we thought we’d never grow“ –


That day was the start of a new relationship full of ups and downs. While everything seemed perfect at first, after a certain time, meanwhile I had already moved in with him, everyday life and reality caught up with us. And the truth is, even if I was having a hard time admitting it, I didn't feel ready for this type of relationship. There was still so much that I wanted to experience alone, without anyone by my side, and there were also a few issues between the two of us that were not so easy to resolve. Still, I loved this man and was afraid of breaking up.

One day, it was March 22nd in 2017, exactly one year after he had made that beautiful declaration of love to me on that beach, we had a very long conversation in which he finally confessed: “I don't know if I still feel love for you”.
Although I had already foreseen the end of our relationship, this statement was still very painful for me. I blamed myself for “not being good enough” and wished that I had been more mature, grown up and experienced earlier. 


– „Today it was 4 years ago, I wished I had grown“ –

The separation was difficult and I blamed myself for a lot of things, but still, I realized one very important thing: I can't be happy with anyone else, if I'm not happy with myself. And being happy with myself also means, following my dreams and doing what I love. So I started focusing on the dream, I had always been longing for - Becoming a musician. I started learning to play the guitar, wrote my first songs and took every chance to get on stages, in order to gain as much experiences as possible. I did everything I could to turn this vision of making music, which I had suppressed for so long, into reality.

A few years passed and I gained more and more experience in the music business, established myself as a singer/songwriter, published my first songs, met great people, who I can still call my friends, moved out of my parents' house and step by step I built up the life, I had always dreamed of.

Finally the year 2020 came and the world began to stand still. Lockdown, chaos and nobody really knew what was going to happen. But when the world closed its doors, a new one opened up for me at that time by putting "Grown" on paper:
It was the night between March 21st and March 22nd when I sank into nostalgia and thought back to everything, that had happened within the last few years, since that day in Thailand and since the separation. And when I was lost in thought, I realized: "Wow, I've really grown up within the last few years". And even if the said man and I are not even in contact anymore, and he is in a new, fulfilling relationship, I am incredibly grateful for this time and that I was able to learn so much from it. Because today I do what I love and have built a life for myself that seemed unattainable only five years ago.

– „Today I’m sitting here at home, writing this song, you found someone new, she might be the one. And even if I’m still alone, I know I’ve become the one that I dreamed of, when I was still young“ –


The song “Grown” became my personal love song to the rite of passage and is intended to encourage others to see that each end can also mean a new beginning.
In my case the end of my relationship was the beginning of my journey as a musician, which still fulfills me every single day.

– „Today I can say that I know, I have grown“ –